Twenty six year old Lyric had just begun accepting the fact that she is HIV positive. After having unprotected sex with her four year high School sweetheart, she learns that she has contracted the deadly virus. She has been living with  the disease for five years. To help cope with her reality,  Lyric dedicates her life to Christianity.

Lyric prays that God will send her a man that she could someday marry. When Lyric meets  thirty year old Musiq she feels her life getting much brighter. How will she inform him of her deadly virus and will he accept her for who she is? 

 

 This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is entirely coincidental. 

 

 

"And now I'd like to ask the church to bow their heads and pray. This time when you pray, I want you to pray for someone that you know may be in need of help. We have to stop praying for ourselves so much and start praying for others." I listened to Pastor Wray preach. It was a Friday night and I was sitting in Metro Community Church.

 

The church was usually kinda empty on Fridays and that was the way I liked it.

As I bowed my head I started to feel guilty. I knew that while the church was praying for others, I would be the only one secretly praying for myself.

I didn't think it was a selfish thing to do. I've been constantly praying for others, I felt like it was time that I asked God for a little help for myself. I was a twenty six year old single woman that had just gotten used to the fact that I was HIV positive. Although I'd been living with this deadly virus for eight years now, reality was just starting to set in.

"Dear Lord, please send me a God fearing man that I will be able to marry. He doesn't have to be perfect Father, but I'd just like for him to love me for who I am.....Amen."  I hadn’t had a significant other for six years and I was really starting to get lonely. There were a couple of guys that were interested but I‘d quickly push them away. If I was to get involved with someone, how would I tell them that I was HIV positive?

I had no children and lived alone. I frequently got tired of the silence of an empty home, so I’d walk around my house singing Gospel aloud while doing chores.  I dedicated my life to Christianity. Although it helped me cope with my depressing reality, it was all I’d involved myself in.

On weekdays my daily routine consisted of working in day and attending church services at night.  I enjoyed helping out and hearing the word of the Lord. I taught Sunday School to kindergarteners every Sunday. Sometimes I wished that I had more time to myself. If I did have time, I wouldn't have anything to do with it. I'd probably spend it thinking about the day that changed my entire life. I remember it like it was yesterday.

I was attending Moore High School and was in the twelfth grade. My school life seemed almost perfect. That was back then when I had a self esteem. I was curvy and had a big booty.

I was seventeen, my grades were great, I was about to graduate, and I'd just made the cheerleading team. I was also dating the most popular guy in school. His name was Omari Benson. He was the captain of the basketball team.
He was always dressed in the hottest new gear, fresh hair cut and kicks. My boo was so fly.
All the chicks in Moore High were feeling him. I constantly found myself arguing with him about his unfaithful ways. All of my girls on the cheerleading team would tell me how wrong he was doing me behind my back. I was never one to believe hearsay. I always got to the bottom of things myself.

"Come on Lyric, you know you're my one and only. Those hoes mean nothing to me. All I want is you ." He always knew how to charm his way back into my heart, but this time I'd heard that he was caught on the staircase getting brain from some nasty nappy headed chick. I wasn't having it.
"So you're telling me that the whole cheerleading team is lying to me?!" I folded my arms.
"You know those birds ain't nothin' but jealous. Especially Coco with her ugly nosey butt." He disrespected my best friend.

Coco and I went way back. I'd known her since the first grade. She was my home girl and was always ready to get down whenever some chicks was running off at the mouth. She always had my back.
When we were younger, her dad would let me stay at their house on school nights when my mom was high. Coco and I had plenty sleepovers. We shared almost everything, dolls, hair barrettes, and even shoes. My mom rarely brought me any school clothes, so Coco shared her closet with me. I had shared her closet up until I was sixteen, when I decided to make my own money. I got a job as a sales person at Macy‘s.
Cocoa and I had gotten into plenty fights with other females. We lived in the projects and some chicken heads were always hating on us. So each and every time they wanted beef, you'd better believe we got down for our crowns.
Coco was always the wild party girl. She was usually that under aged chick sneaking into nightclubs that were only for people ages twenty one and up. She was a free spirit, fun-loving, spontaneous, and a great friend. I loved her like a sister.

 

"Whatever man, don't even try to play my girl like that. She got a whole lot more love for me than you ever will." I'd known Coco all of my life. I'd only been dating Omari for a little over a year.

"You're always trippin Lyric. Why would I wanna mess with these scandalous females? They ain't got nothing on you. You have a beautiful face, smooth brown skin, long black hair and a phat booty...and you know I love that booty." He smirked as he grabbed a handful of my booty.

I pushed his hand off.

 
"Omari you have made a fool of me for the last time. Since you love my ‘phat booty’ so much, you can watch it while I walk away from your lying self." I told him as I headed to class. I was already ten minutes late for chemistry and I didn't have time to stand in the hallway and argue with him.

 

"I love you Lyric." He said while I was walking away. I loved him too, but sometimes I hated him as well. He knew how to control me. He would play with my emotions and control my decisions. He knew exactly what to say and do to keep me around putting up with his crap.
Those three words are all I ever longed to hear my entire life. My momma never took the time out to let me know that she actually loved and cared for me. She was too busy in and out of rehab centers. I'd be left alone in the small two bedroom project apartment to fend for myself. At six years old I was cooking myself dinner while she was out getting high with her junkie friends.
I had a lot of animosity towards my mom. I had come to the conclusion that she loved her addiction a lot more than she would ever love me. She and I didn't talk much unless she was asking me to do something for her.
When I was ten years old I used to envy all of my school friends that talked about their dads. I remember Coco came to school one day with a pretty gold chain that said "Daddy's Girl". I prayed that one day I could get a chain like that, but what would it say? I didn't have a daddy, I hadn't met him.
That day I came home from school, my mom was sitting in the corner of her room mumbling to herself. Usually when she was high I'd stay out of her way. Not today, it was the day when I finally built up the courage to ask her about my dad. I'd been in school all day preparing myself for that conversation. I'd written out the questions I would ask about him and even her possible answers. I was a bit disappointed to see that she was high, but I hadn't planned the conversation the whole day for nothing.
"Mommy where's my daddy? Who is he and will I ever meet him?" I asked her with the paper I'd written my questions on in my hand. I hadn't planned on asking her three questions at once, but my heart was beating rapidly and I was excited.
She looked up at me with a dazed and confused gaze.
"Yo daddy? You wanna know who yo daddy is?" She asked.
I nodded.
"Some nucca that I screwed when I was drunk. Now get on outta here."
I ran to my room and cried in until I fell asleep. I'll never forget that day. Its one of the main reasons my mom and I didn't speak to this very day.

"Did you hear me Lyric? I said I love you." Omari snapped me out of my childhood memories.
I couldn't resist my emotions. I turned around and kissed him as passionately as I could. Those three words took me to a place that I had never felt and adored so much. He ran his fingers through my ponytail and whispered sweet things into my ear.
"You don't really want to go to class do you?" He whispered.
"I have to go to class Omari. Messing with you, I done already cut three classes this week." I told him. I loved him but my average was going from a 'B' to a 'C'. I was the girl that was always known to get A's.
"Come on ma, this the last time. You know you want it as much as I do. Besides, that’s the last class of the day. They won't even notice you're gone." He told me while gripping on my booty.
As much as I wanted to tell him no, my body was telling me to tell him yes.
"Aiight, but this is the last time." I kissed him.
He smirked.

 

*****
I sat on Omari’s couch and watched him as he rolled a blunt.  He had a terrible drug habit and had managed to drag me into it. Before I was dating him, I hated the smell of marijuana. Four months into our relationship he offered me some.

“Just take a lil hit. I promise you’ll feel better. Come on ma, you need to loosen up.” He said as he passed it to me. I took one puff and nearly choked to death.  That one puff had me feeling like I was in the clouds living in a fantasy world where unicorns and butterflies had tea parties, and I was invited. It loosened me up and I didn’t have a care in the world. It was also the night that he’d taken my virginity.

“You gon’ hit this?” He snapped me from my memories. He passed it to me, after four puffs I was in LaLa land.

We ended up enjoying each other on his mom's house on her expensive white couch. I enjoyed feelings Omari's touch. It helped me feel his love, or so I thought back then. When I was with him it was like everything had disappeared and he and I were in our own little world.
It was a good thing that his mom wasn't due to be home in another four hours because I let my emotions out. I screamed and moaned as loud as I wanted. He was enjoying every bit of it. Now that I look back on the things I used to do in High School. I realized that I just KNEW I was grown. Nobody couldn't tell me nothing.
"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself ma." Omari whispered in my ear. "But it would feel better if we didn't use this." He said while pulling off his rubber.
"Excuse me? I don't think so. I'm not trying to catch nothing." I told him as I sat up.
"Catch something? I can't believe you just disrespected me like that. You act like I got AIDS or something."
"I don't know what you could have. Shoot the way you be sneaking around with those tramps at school, I couldn't imagine." I folded my arms.
"Lyric how many times do I have to tell you that I ain't messing around on you. I told you that you are my one and only. There's no need for me to look around for a gem when I got a diamond right here." Did he think I was stupid? No he didn't come at me with that wack line.
"Oh puh-lease!" I pushed his hand off of my thigh.
He grabbed my chin and stared deeply into my eyes.

"I'm serious mama, you're all I got and all I ever need. Stop frontin' like you ain't my wifey. You know I'ma marry that booty one day. I want you to have my seed and everything. How many times do I have to tell you that I love you Lyric?" He stared at me with a look that I thought was so sincere.
"Okay but we're only doing this without a condom ONE time. This is the first and the last time so don't ask me no more." I told him.

"No doubt and matter fact I'm gonna pull out. Just to make sure that we don't end up with no lil Omaris running around here in the next nine months." He smiled.
That was the worst mistake that I’d made in my life, but back then I thought I was in love. I thought he truly loved me. That was the first time that I'd had unprotected sex with him but it definitely wasn't the last. The feeling was so good without the condom that I had no intentions of ever using it again.

As soon as I got home I called Coco and told her about my experience.
"Girl are you out of your mind? He could have an STD." Coco lectured me.
"I trust my man Coco. We love each other and he would never do me wrong. Trust me everything is cool." I assured her.
"No its not cool. What about all of those girls that he cheated on you with? Everyone knows about it. I don't understand why you believe him over your girls."
“Puh-lease those chicken heads are just jealous of our relationship. I see how they be clocking him at basketball practice. Those hoes be practically throwing their panties at him with their eyes. It's all good though because my boo boo is keeping his stuff for me. I'm telling you Cee it feels so good without the rubber. You should try it!" I told her.

"Oh heck no! I'm trying to live baby girl. I ain't tryna be running around here complaining about how bad my kitty kat is burning because I had unprotected sex with some trifling dude. You better watch yourself home girl. I love you and I don't want to see anything happen to you." She said.
"Oh girl please, I'ma be aiight." I told her.
After High school Omari and I decided to attend the same college. After two years we ended up moving in together. I hadn't seen any signs of infidelity. I also hadn't heard anything around campus. Things were going along fine and he and I were getting great grades in school.

I continued to have unprotected sex with him. I found it to be unrealistic to even think about using a condom with my man. I had also started taking birth control pills so I wouldn't conceive. We loved each other and that was all that mattered to me.

He would take me out every Friday. We took walks through the park after school. I would smile at the envy on some of the females faces while we walked hand in hand. On Mondays he cooked dinner. Tuesdays we rented dvds and cuddled on the couch with a bag of popcorn.

Everything was just perfect until one day I started to feel an itch below. Thinking nothing of it, I went to the drugstore and brought over the counter medicine for vaginal yeast infections. The cream was supposed to cure most common yeast infections in seven days. After applying the medicine for a week, my itch turned into a burn. That’s when I knew that something wasn't right. So I decided to schedule and appointment with the ob/gyn.

"Well Ms. Wright you certainly don't have a yeast infection." Dr. Martin told me while looking at my medical chart. I sat there impatiently waiting for her to inform me about my kitty kat.
"So it has to be a urinary tract infection right?” I asked her.
She shook her head.
"Ms. Wright do you have more than one sex partner?" She asked.
"No I only have one. My boyfriend of three years...why?" My heart was beating rapidly. If she would have made me wait any longer, my heart would've popped out of my chest.
"Have you guys been having unprotected sex?" She once again prolonged my test results.
"Yes...why?" I asked again. If she didn't tell me in the next two seconds, I was going lose my mind!
"Ms. Wright I regret to inform you that you have contracted an std called gonorrhea. This STD is spread through contact with an infected vagina, penis, anus, or mouth. It is spread through semen or vaginal fluids during unprotected sexual contact with a partner who has it. Symptoms include pain or burning when passing urine. Yellow dis...."

My mind went blank and I could no longer hear. I was so hurt. Contracting an STD proved that Omari was cheating on me. Why would he do me like that? He was my first and only sex partner. I should have listened to what everyone was telling me. How could I have been so stupid? I wanted to break down in that office but I managed to keep myself together.
"Can it be treated? How can I get rid of this?" I wiped a tear from my cheek.
"I'm going to give you a prescription for a special kind of antibiotics. Even if the symptoms go away, you still need to finish all of the medicine. If symptoms continue after receiving treatment, come back to see me."

********

I sat on the couch and waited for Omari to get home. I was so upset I didn't know what to do with myself. I kept pacing back and forth from the couch to the kitchen. I glanced at the clock, only to realize that it was just a minute past the last time I checked it. That was my routine for about an hour and a half.

How could I have been stupid enough to believe him? How could I have trusted him? I'm never going to tell anyone about this as long as I live.

Just when I was getting impatient Omari walked in the door.
I jumped up from the couch and tackled him like a football player. I knocked him to the floor and started slapping the crap out of him.

"You dirty mofo! I hate you! I hate you!" I screamed.

"Lyric whats wrong baby?" He asked while trying to block my hits.

I didn't notice his best friend Terry was standing behind him.

"Terry get her off of me man!" He yelled.

Terry grabbed my shoulders and lifted me off of him. I turned and started slapping Terry. How dare he put his hands on me!

"Chill Lyric!" Terry yelled as Omari held my hands behind my back.
"Get off of me! Get the hell off of me! I hate you Omari!" I yelled while trying to get loose from his hold.
"What’s the matter baby? Calm down and talk to me for a minute! If you calm down, I'll let you go." He held me tighter.
I broke down right then and there. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I loved Omari with all of my heart and he'd betrayed me.

"How could you Omari? Why would you do this to me?" Tears ran down my face.
"Do what Lyric? What are you talking about? What did I do?" He asked nervously.
He and Terry exchanged looks. I could tell that they both knew something that I didn't.

Thank You For Reading.

I hope you all enjoyed. The second chapter is devolping and will be out soon.

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